you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
