Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Randomize
