Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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