forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
