drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
