stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
