Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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