I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
