i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize