My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
