the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
