How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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