My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I got inside last night via doggy door
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
