i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
