The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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