Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have aggressive nipples.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
