all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I am available for nakedness
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
