he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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