Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize