yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
