How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
