ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize