Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
