Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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