I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
