Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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