who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
