tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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