also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
