why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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