That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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