Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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