i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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