he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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