So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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