dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
