You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
