Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
