if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
