THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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