Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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