I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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