i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
false alarm, still single
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
