I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
