i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
