We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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