ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
