After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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