I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
