maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
