He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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