apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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