My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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