i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
