i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
