we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
