Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
