That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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