You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
