Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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