It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize