it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
