Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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