What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
