are you still at the devil's house?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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