you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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