i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
