We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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