He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
