i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
