i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
