The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
