One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
