so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
