watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
