i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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