can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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