Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
