She just used a chaser for red wine.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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