girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
