i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize