the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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