The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
