Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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