So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
