I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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