Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
