Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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