I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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