just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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