I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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