i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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