I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
