I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
