i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
