I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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