Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
