I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
