I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
