I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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