dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
