Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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