I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
