i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
