im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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