If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm really busy with my period
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