he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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