I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
