The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
These tits shall not be calmed
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
