Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
