Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
