Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
